Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
