this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I deserve this hangover.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize