no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
