It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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