he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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