guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
