Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
