whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she smelled like a LAN party
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
