So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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