I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
