A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
