I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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