I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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