I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
