No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
