what day is it and did you see me today?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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