I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
