around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
