I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
