you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
