this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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