my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ttyl tear gas
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
