noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
