My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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