all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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