Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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