I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
