My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
