It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
