Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
