All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
