this beer tastes like vomit already
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
