Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
