I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
