peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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