I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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