i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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