just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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