what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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