Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
