the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
