There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
