i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
