people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
