I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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