i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
