I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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