Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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