it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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