And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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