there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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