last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
