Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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