I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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