when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
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Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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