hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
