I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
