If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
