you turned your livingroom into a bong?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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