I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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